how can...

...I forget you when your always on my mind? How can I not want you when your all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?

....It's Time, Finally, to Move On and Start Over

Maybe it's time for a new lease on life.

You know it - Your spirit knows it

Is it time for you to move on, to seek greener pastures, to move to a better place where you're not only appreciated but your luck is better? Where you'll meet new people and new people will meet and be intrigued by you? A place where you can relate your story and, unbelievably, they listen to you!

You're in the wrong place at the wrong time of your life and you know it.

"Your whole physical system knows that this is the way to be alive in this world and the way to give the very best that you have to offer. There is a track just waiting there for each of us, and once on it, doors will open that were not open before and would not open for anyone else." I took the leap and, sure enough, a safety net appeared rather quickly.

So maybe it's time for a new lease on life, a change of pace, and a beginning in a place that fosters and nourishes your creativity, supports you,´....

"Sometimes you can do all the right things and still fail."

This is my story...

...I feel like a goldfish stuck in a bowl, I am waiting for something, that I can control - If this is my screenplay I don't like my role. But dreaming out loud wo'nt get me far, I am still wondering what's going on. If that's what it takes then I'll sell my soul, I shouldn't care shouldn't care - but I do and that's sometimes - Too hard to bear, Still walking the same road, with my schoes full of holes- Just waiting for something to control. A silent surrender we'll never get close, You swallowed it whole...

Looking for ways to be satisfied

goodbye my almost lover..

You fingertips against my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy for you
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

This song brings me back to a place I can never forget. The hurt and the sorrow which every person deals with in their own way, is so painful it seems unbearable. I feel she speaks from the depths of my own heart and says the words I never had the guts to say. We have to all forgive first ourselves for being so naive to the situation before getting over the person who stole our hearts. The misconception that someone can change is our faults. Miscommunication on our parts. Believing is in our nature but it is our duty to ask questions to know the truth of the situation. Assuming is a fault. We are guilty of this. Even asking, is a problem. If you have to ask, you have doubt. This is very sad. Love should come to a relationship (or growing relationship) without question. We fool ourselves into believeing the fairy tale we were bred to some day live. Not every one will have a happy ending. All of us will hurt and bleed and ache. We will all realize life is not what it seems and that its impossible to avoid it. The feeling that your doing it all right is always wrong. You cannot make everyone happy, you can only wish them happiness. This song expresses that. I still feel sorrow for my almost lover. After three years of trying to fool myself into believing i could change the situation, I was left broken and alone. I don’t know what I expected. Marriage? It seems unreal to me. What if it happens again? What if i’m unhappy? What if?… Scary thought. I’m stronger now. I’m greatful to my almost lover for showing me the way to my self. For helping me realize who my friends were and helping me to never make the same bad decisions again. It wasnt a mistake, i dont regret trying. There were times things were good. I was in love. Its a feeling that consumes you and keeps you from realization of the truth. Be stong, be brave and always aware that the decisions you make are the fate of your future.

A couple years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything...

...I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure.

But now I find I can't stop wanting.

I want to fly somewhere in first class.
I want to learn about the world.
I want to surprise myself.
I want to be important.
I want to be the best person I can be.
I want to define myself instead of having others to define me.
I want to win and have people be happy for me.
I want to lose and get over it.
I want to not be afraid of the unknown.
I want to grow up to be generous and bighearted the way that people have been with me.
I want an interesting and surprising life.

It's not that I think I'm going to get all these things,
I just want the possibility of getting them.

The possibility that things are going to change.

Bitte geh nicht.....

Du weißt, dass die Zeit mir nur gestohlene Stunden waren. Ich fühle mich geborgen bei dir. Ohne mich wirst du freier sein.

Schiere Angst drückt auf meine Brust und mein Herz hämmert verzweifelt dagegen.
Ich liege splitternackt im Bett. Es ist heiß und die Decke an die ich mich klammere, einfach um mich wenigstens irgendwo festzuhalten, ist viel zu warm.

Wer bin ich denn, wenn du mich verlässt?
Ein wenig mehr du selbst.
Wie kann ich mehr ich sein, wenn ich dich doch verlier? Bitte geh noch nicht.
Ein letztes mal für dich.

Ich bin allein und mit geschlossenen Augen blicke ich in mein eigenes Gesicht. Ich drücke meine Hände rechts und links neben meinem Kopf fest in meine weiche Schlafstätte und mir scheint, als würde sie dort jemand mit festem Griff fixieren. Die Berührungen sind mir so vertraut und doch so beängstigend fremd.

Wer bist du?
Wer bin ich?
Und warum willst du gehen?

Leb wohl meine Liebe.

... a kiss always means something ...

You should've thought of that last night. You know I keep... I keep putting myself out there and you keep blowing it and it's probably a good thing because at this point there is nothing that you can say or do that's gonna surprise me!

I was the one...

...who would always
jump in first
Didn't think twice
to look behind
Got such a good feeling,
just from playing
in the dirt
Once,
when I was little

We could build a rocket,
fly to the moon
Leave Tuesday morning,
and be back for noon
There wasn't nothing,
nothing that we couldn't do
Once, when I was little umm
Once, when I was little

Yeah I could dream more then
Yeah I believed more then
That the world
could only get better
Yeah I was free more then
I could pretend more then
That this life could
only show me good times
Once, when I was little
umm ohh lalala

There was a time
when I trusted everyone
Yes I did
There was no place
that I would not go oh no
Spend a day on the hillside
next to the holly mo
Oh once, when I was little
Yea once, when I, I was little

Yeah I could dream more then
Yeah I believe more then
That this world
could only get better
Yeah I was free more then
I could pretend more then
That this life could
only show me good times
Once, when I was little

Used to feel so strong
Even when they tell me,
tell me I was wrong
That I can't live
in a magic world
Cause it's time
for me to grow up
That I got to be
like the rest of them
When I know
there acting up ohh

I could believe more
then yes I could
I could pretend more then
That this life could
only get better
I could believe more
then yes I could
I could pretend more then

That this world could
only show me good times
Once, when I was little
When I was little

So here comes the next one,
the next in line
Stay as young you can,
for the longest time
Cause those days flew by
Like a breeze
just passing through
Once, when I was little

fear....

Never grow old. Never die. Never know fear again.

Heaven. Hell. Limbo...

...No-one even knows where we're going. Or what's waiting for us when we get there. But the one thing we can say, with absolute certainty, is that there are moments that take us to another place. Moments of Heaven on Earth. And maybe for now, that's all we need to know

Razorlight - Wire To Wire

What is love but the strangest of feelings?
A sin you swallow for the rest of your life?
You've been looking for someone to believe in
To love you, until your eyes run dry

She lives on disillusion road
We go where the wild blood flows
On our bodies we share the same scar
Love me, wherever you are

How do you love with a fate full of rust?
How do you turn what the savage take?
You've been looking for someone you can trust
To love you, again and again

How do you love in a house without feelings?
How do you turn what that savage take?
I've been looking for someone to believe in
Love me, again and again

She lives by disillusions glow
We go where the wild blood flows
On our bodies, we share the same scar

How do you love on a night without feelings?
She says "love, I hear sound, I see fury"
She says "love's not a hostile condition"
Love me, wherever you are

Love me, wherever you are
Love me, wherever you are
Wherever you are

the past is always with us....

...just waiting to mess with the present.
stimmt das oder kann mann doch seine sterne neu ordnen? in den letzten monaten hat sich für mich körperlich einiges geändert - bin ganze 23kg leichter! das war doch der gute vorsatz im jahr 08 - hmmm dass ich zuerst nochmal 8kg zunehmen musste um mich wirklich dahinter zu klemmen wusste ich natürlich da noch nicht.
heuer gibts keine guten vorsätze nur neue pläne - erreichen des zielgewichtes - regeln der finanzen - einen marathon laufen - bis oktober in eine grössere wohnung umziehen!
ganz schön viele dinge - dazwischen würd ich mir noch gerne meine zähne machen lassen.
wir werden lesen wie das ganze ausgegangen ist.
ein gutes neues jahr!

Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world...or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better...or worse

weightticker

I can see the person i want to be in my head...

...and i can see the person i am. And they're not the same!

not anymore! And i am so proud of it. Lost a lot of weight, found new spirit in my life. Even had a late summer fling.

cant wait to keep going!

The hardest part of saying good-bye is having to do it again every single day. Every day we face the same truth; that life is fleeting. That our time here is short. And to honor the fallen, we must live our own lives well.

Kings Of Leon - Closer

Stranded in this spooky town
Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down
This floor is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven by the strangled vein
Showing no mercy I do it again
Open up your eye
You keep on crying, baby
I’ll bleed you dry
The skies are blinking at me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer

You, shimmy shook my bone
Leaving me stranded all in love on my own
What do you think of me
Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep
Feel so good but I'm old,
2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it’s coming closer

I can see the person i want to be in my head...

...and i can see the person i am. And they're not the same!
und das ist im moment das schlimmste was es gibt. ich wär so gern jemand anders. und das schlimmste daran ist das mein grösstes problem mein äusseres ist....keine ahnung wie ich das in den griff bekommen soll. momentan ess ich kaum mal was richtiges, aber die waage zeigt immer mehr kilos an - ich glaub langsam muss ich mir wirklich professionelle hilfe holen. im sommer werd ich mich da anmelden - denke dass es auch finanziell machbar ist. ich muss raus aus meinem körper.
am donnerstag ist alles eskaliert! in der firma war ich so wütend, dass ich einfach nur heulen hätte können. und jetzt hab ich mir ein leutefreies WE verordnet. ich glaube das wird mir helfen, mal wieder in die kissen weinen und mich gehen lassen. meine wohnung hat auch schon seit wochen keine gründliche reinigung mehr erhalten. morgen steht auch das an. dann mal den balkon richten, damit ich das wetter draussen geniessen kann.
ich hoffe auf baldige bessere nachrichten.

Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us? If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back.

better than love.....

Honey when you doubt my love for you
Looking in my eyes what I'm going through
Even if we change and fall out of
You hold my hand and it's better than love

Save me from myself
You got my back when I need help
It's no one else in the world
You will always be my girl
You will always be x3
My girl

Sometimes dreams they don't come true
I was scared that night when I met you
Well I stayed patient and I stayed kind
Telling you to take your time

Turn my life around
You made it okay to let you down
There's no one else in the world
You will always be my girl
You will always be x3
My girl

So when I'm walking down the road and feeling fine
Can't understand the things you do
Nothing turns out the way we planned
You're still my baby and I'm still you're man

Save me from myself
You got my back when I need help
It's no one else in the world
You will always be my girl
You will always be x3
My girl

love is kind, love is patient,...

...and and its really really hard, in fact its probably the hardest thing that any of us will ever attempt but what what's the point in life? to go through it with the least amount of wear n tear as possible? or to live it? so you take a chance on someone. it starts with that little spark. its the greatest part. everybody loves that part, and that person makes the toughest times better by helping you out in what makes them crazy, and then you start disagreeing on what movie to see, or you forget a birthday. you start fighting about how you want the napkins. swans? and then you're mad and she's mad and all of a sudden it seems so easy to just get out, to run away, but its weird, the universe always sends you a sign that you're making a big mistake- a piano lands on your head, or a horse gets loose and delays an entire wedding. what the universe is trying to tell you is that when you find the person that makes your life a crazy mess, they're one in a million, and you can't ever let them go; you just can't.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy...

nur 1 eintrag im februar...nun ja was soll ich sagen es geht rund :-)
fasching, einige tage vertretung, besuch meiner schwester mit den kids, messe in stuttgart, seminar, messe in friedrichshafen, besuch von unserer tochterfirma aus den usa. dazwischen diverse organisationen - skitag, messe im mai, hochzeit von tina. im grossen und ganzen weiss ich im moment nicht so richtig wo mir der kopf steht - hoffe aber sehr, dass sich bald alles etwas einrenkt. diese woche hab ich viel vor. nicht nur im geschäft sondern auch an den abenden - das umstellen meiner wohnung sollt ich noch fertigstellen - am mittwoch hab ich die mädels zum knöpfle essen eingeladen und am donnerstag gehen wir mit der firma bowlen! ich arbeite fest dran, dass dieses wochenende endlich erholung angesagt ist!!!

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

whats worth fighting for...

für was lohnt es sich wirklich zu kämpfen? im moment hab ich keine ahnung wofür. nichts fühlt sich "real" an! kinda weird if you dont remember what you were thinking 10 minutes ago......LOOK i am just being realistic, i have been heartbroken by love so many times before - that i just beginning to think, that i am supposed to live my life without it, THATS JUST BEING RIDICULOUS...

I can see the person i want to be in my head, and i can see the person i am. And they're not the same!